Why we should Occupy Vegas
Unwelcome Perspective | November 14th 2011
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We have a strange rule in our society where we tell some people they're not allowed to be rich and we tell other people, yeah it's cool. Example: bankers vs. celebrities. If you make a million dollars trading oil futures, you're a monster, but if you make it selling a bunch of records about how big a tool you are, you're Kanye West. In the eyes of Occupy Wall Street, one is a villain and the other a hero. So in keeping with this tradition, it makes sense that people are just Occupying Wall Street, when they could be Occupying Vegas.
Las Vegas and Wall Street are the exact same place. Whether it's blackjack hands or short positions, people are betting on stuff. People go to both cities with the same mindset: I give you some money, and hopefully, you give me back more money. In America though, we make distinctions between groups of people who are doing the exact same thing based on whether we think they're cool or not. Guy who stars in a TV show, cool guy. Guy who manages the hedge fund the TV guy invests in, cocksucker. Guys on ESPN wearing sunglasses indoors and playing cards for a living, cool guys. Guys in a back office somewhere wearing slacks and playing the market, scum of the earth.
Now I'm aware of the fact that due to the significant volume of cash flow on Wall Street, when they place a bad bet, people that have nothing to do with that bet feel the pain. In Vegas, daddy might blow the college fund, but on Wall Street the pensions and retirement funds of millions of Americans are on the line. But all this happened three years ago, and while I know we're still recovering from the damage, I don't understand the current surge on Wall Street at this point in the game. Below is a list of places that I feel would be better to Occupy.
1) Las Vegas: Let's try to be consistent.
2) D.C.: Congress and Occupy's beloved President have bent over forwards for these banks and traders. Plus, NYC will be cold soon so it's probably best to head south.
3) Europe: This one is a win-win. Occupy people love Europe; it's their Promised Land and model of a utopian America. So not only will they get to hang out in Europe, but they will be in the front yard of the party that is causing the current global economic trepidation: the Euro Debt Crisis. Doesn't it suck that we can't blame this whole thing on Wall Street and we also have to factor in socialist countries that tried to redistribute the wealth. I hate when that happens.
4) Hollywood: 1% of the people in movies and TV make 99% of the money. And, these people have the nerve to stand up and participate in the Occupy protests. Is Alec Baldwin in 50% of 30 Rock and Judah Friedlander in 1%? Yes. Does that mean he should make 50 times as much money? How dare he be compensated based on his performance! Now I know it's easy to point out hypocrites, but how do you go from being in a Capital One Bank commercial to protesting outside banks. Damn you Baldwin. If you weren't so funny, number 5) would be Occupy 30 Rock.
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