’)Gods to Bailout Greece
By: Unwelcome Perspective
In an attempt to save the mortals of their insolvent nation, the gods have united to bailout the Greek government. As the philandering deities have no currency of their own, they have instead decided to hold a fund-raising campaign by whoring out some of their premier gods and goddesses for sexual favors. Zeus assured the European Union in a press conference today, “if Athena can’t give Nicolas Sarkozy a dome-job divine enough to polish the Parthenon, then nothing can save the Euro.”
Athena won’t be the only one turning tricks for IOU’s. Zeus went on to say that, “at this very moment, Apollo and Poseidon are tag-teaming Angela Merkel and milking that bitch for all the money in Munich.” Never one to ask questions before slamming a sausage down her throat, Aphrodite was found in bed with two members of the British Parliament. By the time Hermes reached her it was too late to tell the cum spattered love angel that the Brits aren’t on the Euro.
“Tragically,” Zeus admitted, “a few dicks have been sucked in vain.” Dionysus, fresh out of the closet after the reversal of a 2,000 year Don’t Ask Don’t Tell policy in the heavens, countered saying, “is there such a thing as a dick sucked in vain?”