’)Corporate America: Stop Making So Much Good Cheap Shit
By: Unwelcome Perspective
I’m a firm believer in the fact that voting is now meaningless and the only way to vote these days is with your dollar. Corporations control Washington, so if I want change, I need to boycott these behemoths and put them out of business. Here’s the problem I realized with my political strategy: it’s hard to boycott these corporations, because they make so much goddam good cheap shit.
As a Seattle resident, when Howard Schultz, CEO of Starbucks, sold the Sonics to owners in Oklahoma City, I like many other basketball fans said, “Fuck that shit. Let’s boycott Starbucks.” My plan was to take my business to one of the million independent coffee shops or small chains in the Seattle area. This lasted for about a week until I realized: independent coffee shops are slow as fuck, my downtown workplace is cornered from every angle by Starbucks, and o yeah, Starbucks makes awesome (not cheap) shit.
This is a very serious problem. Not only do we often rely on these corporations for our livelihood, but we also love the amazing products they make. Another tragic factor working against my plan: the more hated the corporation, the more affordable there products are. The city of Seattle decided long ago that we were a far too superior and morally transcendent city to patronize the evil axis of Wal-Mart; and therefore, there is not a single Wal-Mart within the city limits of Seattle. And it’s easy for us to live without the monster as there is a Fred Meyer, Target, and Costco a stone’s throw from every Starbucks. If I lived in an area where there Wal-Mart was the only or closest option, you better believe I’m buying my paper towels and detergent there and telling whatever hippy-dippy overpriced alternative to suck it.
This takes me to my concluding point, which is that rich liberals are the most annoying people in America (I live in Seattle, so if there were Tea Partiers around to annoy me I would mention them too). Rich liberals are the only people that can afford to buy overpriced green, sustainable, organic, fair trade, politically cleansed, American made, locally grown, Whole Foods, boutique bullshit without tumbling into poverty. Fuck them and there “save the world” consumer choices. Being rich and boycotting Wal- Mart is like being Brad Pitt and boycotting fat chicks.
Here’s the saving grace in all this that I hope is true. Corporations probably want to exist 30 years from now so they can continue to profit. Therefore I am somewhat confident that in order to remain in business they will do what they can to not obliterate the environment and hang the poor out to dry. It’s going to be tough for Proctor & Gamble to make and sell Doritos when the earth is filled with black smoke and all their workers have committed suicide. I guess what I’m saying is, if you boycott, more power to you, you’re a stronger person than me. But if you’re like me and succumb to American marketing and product development, I think we’ll be ok.
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